I have to gush about my husband this morning. positive

When Bob came to pick me up at the barn after spending some time moving the temporary fencing to give the horses a little extra grass to eat, he pulled the weed eater out of the truck. When I saw it, I said "This is why I love you!" love

You see, a few weeks ago, the weeds at the barn became too tough for my little electric weed eater. It worked fine in early spring, but the lambs quarter "forest" has since gotten out-of-control. So, I asked Bob if he could bring out the gas weed eater with heavy duty blades and start it for me.

He was willing to do it right then, but I said it was too hot to work outside. Then, he was on call and... well, we got busy. I figured that I would have to ask again this weekend... then, I forgot to ask him to bring it. Sigh.

Instead, he brought it out like he had heard my thoughts! smile AND, instead of starting it for me to let me use it for the 10 minutes I can handle, he did the weed eating while I cleaned a little in the barn (a chore I prefer). He worked until two of the blades broke off for no apparent reason.

Earlier this year, I was trying to wrap a few more crystals in embroidery thread since the ones I've done turned out really well. One, in particular, has been a challenge and I don't understand why (the others I've done were the same size and was pretty easy). I remade the net for it FOUR times now (and it is still not right!). Aaargh! annoyed (Yes, I know about wrapping with wire, but I didn't want to spend the money... besides, it looks just as hard. wink )

Bob watched me struggle with this project and asked: Why don't you just put a hole in it to slip the cord through? Valid question. smile

I responded that you have to have a special drill for that. I had wanted one years ago for sea shell projects, but it never was a priority.

Guess who got a special drill for her birthday? big heart

I love how supportive he is of my creative projects! I've been trying to decide all day what project to do first. Now I'm over whelmed. It's a decision that will have to wait. wink

The marigolds are super pretty today... I had to take a picture. smile

Do you know what is REALLY awesome about this close up of some flowers? I had to give up macro photography six or seven years ago because my body trembled too much. Even basic snap shots became difficult, with many being too blurry to enjoy.

Even though I quit trembling a few years ago, I haven't taken very many pictures. This one, though, reminds me that I used to really enjoy it! smile

Today is NOT my day. I am dealing with raging hormones and have spent most of the day on the couch. grimace But, for a very short time, I felt a little better and decided to try a new recipe (cinnamon swirl bread)... I, obviously, missed a step... Hope I only missed one step and it is still edible! annoyed Back to the couch I go so I don't mess up something I would actually care about tongue out

I finally finished my rustic boxes project. They'll be headed to their new home this weekend, so I figured I better hurry up and take a picture! wink

As I was watching the clock last night, waiting for Bob to come home so that he could take me out to the horses, I realized that I often feel like what a dog must feel like waiting for the owner to come home to take him out to play! laugh

I don't know about you, but I find it extremely satisfying when my husband TELLS me that he's impressed with something I did (it is almost as great as when he tells me I'm right about something that he got wrong wink )!

For instance, I showed him the first holes I drilled in my stones.

He asked:

Did you keep the stones submerged in the water? Mostly.

Did it ever start smoking? Nope.

Did you drill straight down to start with or did you tilt the bit to get it started? I tilted it (the bit is flat on the end).

Did you break the bit? Nope.

He says: I'm really impressed! I've read that most beginners break and/or burn several bits before they get the hang of it. smile

Bob and I went to the Pilot's BBQ again last night. There were quite a few people there... the hanger was echoing with voices and I had a terrible time focusing. tongue out However, someone offered Bob a ride in this plane. Bob had a great time and that made the night worth while smile

I have been thinking what a tragedy it is to force people that have willing stood in the front lines of this pandemic (before there was any known treatment and unknown hope of a vaccine) to either violate their constitutional rights or lose their jobs. Those who just months ago were heralded as "heroes" are now cast aside and figuratively trampled on if they chose not to conform to the bullying practices that are being encouraged.

Then, I read this (https://aapsonline.org/statement-in-support-of-the-right-of-all-including-medical-workers-to-decline-medical-intervention/ my heart is lifted up. There are still warriors out there! energy

"They that can give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty or safety." Ben Franklin

The Association of American Physicians and Surgeons (AAPS) issued a Statement in Support of the Right of All, Including Medical Workers, to Decline Medical Intervention:

“The Association of American Physicians and Surgeons (AAPS) declares that all human beings have the right to liberty, which they do not forfeit when they serve the sick or the disabled. The ethical commitment to protect others does not require workers to surrender their bodily integrity and self-determination….

“Risks and benefits differ in individual patients and differing circumstances. Achieving a stamp of approval from the Food and Drug Administration (FDA)—premature because studies are not scheduled to be complete before the end of 2022—does not confer safety or effectiveness. FDA-approved products have frequently been withdrawn….

“The Joint Statement recognizes only a medical exemption, and omits mention of a religious exemption though many workers object to receiving these products based on their religious beliefs. Medical exemptions are virtually never recognized for the COVID vaccines because there is improper denial that they cause harm to anyone.

“Long-term effects of these novel, genetically engineered products cannot possibly be known at this point. These could include autoimmune disorders, antibody-enhanced disease, infertility, cancer, or birth defects….

“AAPS favors insistence on fully informed, truly voluntary consent for all medical intervention. This includes full disclosure of all risks, and a diligent effort to identify and track risks…. Our medical organizations should be advocating for free and open discussion and opposing censorship….

“Without freedom, there is no safety for either workers or our patients.”

An average American household will burn less than 7000 gallons of fuel in a vehicle over a 10 year period.

According to the numbers below, one electric car battery requires 84,000 gallons of fuel to make, which is expected to last 10 years.

If that is true, then is it truly about protecting the environment by cutting down on fossil fuel usage? or is it about making money? Again. grimace

I decided to go through my photographs today with the intention of pulling out images of flowers, animals, and landscapes to use in a few business related projects that I want to do (more scripture videos and images smile ).

Going through 17 years of photographs brings up an overwhelming amount of memories! I started to flounder, but quickly realized that I needed to "unplug". It is a beautiful day out, so I took the dog for a walk around the block. Twice (it is still a little warm to be asking her to cross the street).

I still have a lot of organizing to do in order to find the photographs that I want to use. I might have to wait until tomorrow to tackle that, but at least I can breathe again. smile


That's how many image files I'm going through.

And, as I'm going through them, I'm like... where is this picture? where did I put THAT one? why can't I find?... oh... I have MORE that need to be scanned! And here I thought I finished that project a couple of years ago! annoyed

I can also tell when I got my digital camera... I jumped from under 200 pictures a year with my 35mm to 800-1100 images a year! laugh

It then dropped back to under 200 a year once the tremors took over. grimace Then, less than 100 a year once we moved to South Dakota - even after the tremors stopped. blank expression

I do have my excuses (besides being in a slump wink )... there is a lot less to photograph here, we don't travel, and I've been letting someone else take pictures of the grand kids. Still... I'm moving out of my slump and feeling more and more creative again. I have already started plans for next year! energy

Bob and my youngest building a new computer together. energy

Bob and I went flying yesterday evening. smile I didn't use my CBD or essential oils before going and Bob noticed that I had trouble with my anxiety on take off. However, I breathed through it and was doing better within a few minutes. I'm glad. Not only does it show that I'm continuing to do better in anxiety inducing situations, if I had had to ask to be taken right back down, then I would have missed the setting sun over the lake. smile

Warning: this is LONG and VERY personal… if either of these ideas offends you, keep scrolling!

Anxiety triggers come in all shapes and sizes. I’ve been working through some this last year… speaking to new people, being in social situations, being in small spaces, heights… I think I’m making good progress. smile

There is one BIG trigger that I really do not do well with… a child’s cries. Ugh!

Of course, we were created to respond to the tears as quickly as possible. However, my most recent response was not healthy and very troubling to me.

I actually hesitate to share about it, because it is very personal. However, as I was coloring this picture at 3am this morning while contemplating my reaction, I realized a couple of important things.

#1. While I mostly agree with the message to keep moving forward in one’s life, there are times when it is good to look in the rear view mirror! Most of my anxiety triggers are rooted in the past. If I never look back and yank on those roots, I’ll never understand my reaction and be able to move forward while those roots have me anchored in place.

#2. I’ve been trying to be encouraging to others as they share their personal experiences. Not only is reflecting and sharing good tools for moving forward, you never know who may need to hear about the struggle and victory. Plus, your friends are then able to offer prayer and words of encouragement to strengthen you. I would be some special kind of hypocrite to ignore my own counsel! wink

So, I’ve decided share about my troubling response to my one year old granddaughter’s cries.

“Crying” really doesn’t paint an accurate picture of the sounds emitting from her at the time. We had had a wonderful afternoon full of smiles and giggles. Bob took Mommy on an evening flight and they had not returned by bedtime. The kids were tired though and into bed they went. They were almost asleep when Mommy came home and little eyes popped WIDE open.

They went through the bed time routine again… diapers, food, story, kisses, etc. and back to bed they went. Only little girl did NOT want to go to bed. She wanted to PLAY. She thought her parents were being quite inconsiderate and decided to let the entire neighborhood know how she felt through her high pitched, ear shattering screams of protest intermingled with deep, defiant wails that went on and on and on in a battle of wills.

Tears that last more than a few minutes typically find me running away. After all, I’m not the parent and usually don’t have to deal with it! (sooo thankful!) This time was no different. It was just getting dark out, so I went to see if I could spot some stars. I did find one nearly overhead. smile It wasn’t quite dark enough to see others. I figured the baby was done, so I went inside.

She was just getting started.

A few minutes later, I was melted onto the floor, in a puddle of my own tears, in the corner of my bedroom, attempting to distract myself with solitaire. It wasn’t working. Instead, my brain shouted:

Just spank her and make her shut up!

Wait… WHAT?! I don’t believe that! That is so counter-intuitive! It was deeply troubling.

Thankfully, Bob came to check on me about that time and distracted me. I grabbed the CBD oil as we went outside for some more star gazing (it was fully dark by then).

I was still troubled the next day after the family went home. Where had that thought come from?

Then, I remembered…

While I was pregnant with my first child, I was instructed in how important it was to teach babies to be quiet. After all, you never know when a baby’s cry could mean the end of your existence in times of trouble. Examples were given such as:

  • Nazis found hiding Jews when babies cried
  • The Waldenses kept their children quiet so no one could find their isolated, mountain community during the Dark Ages (they distributed parts of the Bible, which was punishable by death)
  • The Native Americans kept their children quiet to make it harder for the Army to find and slaughter them
  • Jungle tribes kept their children quiet so they wouldn’t be eaten by wild animals

I pulled out the vacuum cleaner to clean up a trail of soil that was left after my grandson thought it would be great fun to play in the dirt of one (thankfully, it was only one!) of my African violets. It is truly amazing how fast a toddler can get into mischief!

More memories emerged…

A few weeks after my first was born, she began crying inconsolably. I was told the only thing to do was spank her. My ex had been given a spanking at TWO WEEKS old and he, apparently, never cried without a reason again. Therefore, in order to teach my baby to be quiet when nothing was wrong, I was supposed to spank her! I was quite emphatic that NO ONE was going to be SPANKING my NEWBORN!!

I was told that I was not being a good Christian wife. I was disobeying my husband, undermining his authority, AND dishonoring my parents (in laws). Still, I would not budge. It wasn’t long before I was silently “punished”.

As many new parents, I became overwhelmed when the baby kept crying and I couldn’t soothe her. One day, I left her wailing in her crib, in a house with three other adults, and locked myself in the bathroom for a cry of my own. I needed a break. My ex unlocked the bathroom and told me that my behavior was unacceptable and I had to deal with my crying baby. I was soooo angry! But, the alternative (tell him to deal with her) was completely unacceptable.

The couch and coffee table were moved in order to vacuum under them and find the toys the kids stashed…

Still more memories...

We went for a long horse camping trip to a lovely hot spring once the children were old enough. This was supposed to be a belated honeymoon trip that had been postponed because I kept getting pregnant. A trip that took me two weeks to prepare and pack food for. I was quite willing to be going.

I was, however, NOT willing to be cold and drenched from down pouring rain. The kids were cold and whimpering before the first evening. We did not have the gear for this kind of weather (ponchos for a passing thunderstorm, yes; but not this). I was already ready to go home. I was told to keep the kids quiet, but reassured that this was unusual and tomorrow would be better… we had lingering rain NINE out of eleven DAYS.

I got sick of being told to keep the wet, cold, bored kids quiet and happy.

  • Don’t let them touch the sides of the tent (it will leak).
  • Don’t let them track dirt into the tent (it’s too hard to clean up).
  • Don’t let them play in the water (it’s too hard to dry things out).
  • Don’t let them get food on their clothes (it attracts bears).
  • And, above all else, stop whining and asking to go home! I was ruining the trip for everyone else!

I let it be known exactly how unhappy I was with the situation. I said that if I had to endure this EVER again that I would be leaving. I was told that Moses was denied being able to enter the Promised Land due to one angry outburst and I should be grateful that my husband loved me so much to want to give me this honeymoon – even if it didn’t turn out exactly as planned. annoyed

The couch cushion flew off and the inside was given a good cleaning… the table and chairs were next…

The memories kept coming… The kids got sick on a long road trip. We were still two day’s drive from home when they spiked fevers and had projectile vomiting. I was normally in charge of keeping my kids quiet and happy on any and all excursions – regardless of how long. This was no exception. It had already been a long trip (over a week) and this sickness was not making it easier.

At the motel on the worst night, the children didn’t even have time to make it to the edge of the bed before getting sick. My ex was so angry! He wanted to punish them because he thought they weren’t even trying! I stood my ground though – sick kids were NOT being punished.

I AM guilty for taking some satisfaction over what happened when we finally got home... It was the adult’s turn to be ill and Mister They Aren’t Even Trying didn’t make it out of bed. He felt bad enough about it that he apologized to the kids. smile

I decided to do the dishes next…

Bob came home about the time my cookie sheet slipped off the pile of clean dishes, crashing to the floor for the third time…

He asked: are you alright? you look a little frustrated.

He is so perceptive! energy

I really wasn’t ready to talk and he was ok with that. Instead, we went out to the horses and I was able to relax. The only thing that I would have liked more is to have been able to do some stall cleaning, but it was far too hot for me to do that. Of course, that may have been a blessing as I probably would have over worked! tongue out

Once the memories (and the subsequent emotions) were finally over, I realized why I was so troubled.

Just spank her and make her shut up!

These are not my thoughts, beliefs, actions, or words. This is a programmed response after years of combating this and other suggestions such as: Maybe we should use duct tape… use a gag… use sleeping pills… install a muffler...

Sometimes these were suggested as a “joke”. Only the idea was still there and the possibility of any of it happening if I wasn’t standing guard was quite real to me. grimace

Yeah. It’s no wonder that the baby’s cries trigger me so… the danger was not from some future, unknown danger, but from he who was seen as the “protector” of our family.

This is something I am only realizing today – over 25 years later. I don’t know if this understanding will help keep my triggered anxiety from spiking out of control again, but maybe I won't have to replay the memories again. tongue out

Maybe someone will realize that such “jokes” are not funny and can actually cause long term harm with the repeated telling. Or possibly trigger a person’s anxiety that has already been harmed (whether physically or mentally).

Or maybe someone needs a reason, or a boost of courage, to stand up against the “unsubstantial” threat.

I do hope that someone will benefit, in even a small way, from this share.

My fan base is growing... my youngest's co-workers are now submitting repeat requests (as is the neighbor's boy smile )

I had privately voiced my concern to Bob (at home) about going to the Pilot's BBQ because none of the wives had been around and I was concerned that maybe they intended on having a place to get away from the women in their lives. But, last week there were a couple of other women and the owner of the hanger that hosts the BBQ casually said I was welcome to keep coming because I bring treats! wink

I am very happy that others are getting to enjoy my baking experiments. It was becoming rather discouraging making tasty desserts and having to throw half of it away because we simply couldn't eat it all before it went bad! tongue out

I have spent the last two days removing the unusable and duplicate animal, flower, and landscape images from the ones I have chosen for my project. I have whittled the selection down to 1100 for 250 verses... I may have more than enough. wink

Another thought about the comparison of the Covid vaccine to ANY of the other vaccines (even diseases with a MUCH higher mortality rate - like polio) is that I don't remember reading about any time in history where a vaccine was so encouraged to be forced against personal and religious exemptions across the nation (maybe in small communities). Despite these other diseases being around for generations before a vaccine was available, then only having volunteer usage of the vaccine for many decades allowing for plenty of mutations to develop, these vaccines still work and the threat of mutations was never given as a reason to force people into receiving a shot that they didn't want (for whatever reason).

Several states lost 60 years of both personal and religious freedom of choice during the measles outbreak in 2019 with, what seemed like, very little resistance. I am thankful that many more are desperately fighting against loosing even more freedoms now (especially for an intervention that hasn't even been approved by the FDA yet - we are all being used for "emergency" human trials!). Some are loosing jobs (preventing them from caring for their family), loosing friends, having family feuds erupt... the battle is fierce.

I see no need for this loss of freedom either. That "herd immunity" that we heard so much about last year has almost been achieved via the natural course of the illness and the voluntary use of the vaccine. If people were tested for the antibodies, most of the nation would likely now be above the targeted 70% needed to no longer consider it an emergency situation.

Sickness exists. More illnesses will develop. Be safe. Wash your hands. Stay home when sick. Wear CLEAN face masks, if you feel the need or are in high risk areas. Be happy if a vaccine is available, if that puts your mind at ease. But don't encourage the attitude of FORCING someone to be injected with something they don't want (or need... some are being forced to get the vaccine despite having natural antibodies in order to keep their job - no exceptions ).

Let's not forget that the loss of some freedoms today may not seem significant, but they set a precedence for the future (like how the loss of freedoms during the measles epidemic laid the foundation for the over reach in many states that has happened over covid).

I logged into my game today... something I do EVERY day. I may not exercise, drink my water, or otherwise do stuff that I SHOULD do every day, but I login to my game every day to take care of my pixel horses and unicorns. Yet, somehow, I didn't yesterday.

I'm not sure what to think. On the one hand, I'd like to think that I have been growing enough lately that the need to play every day is waning (I have even been finding my digital coloring book to be a tad boring after several thousand pages wink ). And, I am trying to improve the use of my time which requires a routine change.

On the other hand, I had to ask Bob for help finding the kitchen scissors. I try to put things in the same place (or places) every time because, if I don't, I can't find it (even when I'm apparently looking right at it!). I have gotten better about finding things that are out-of-place, but I searched every where I could think of for the scissors. Bob found them in the cupboard with the chocolate chips (I must have thoughtlessly laid them up there when I put the package of chocolate chips away). I never would have looked there!

Personal growth or forgetfulness? Guess only time will tell!

For anyone waiting for the FDA to give their stamp of approval with this new vaccine, here it is! Now, the vaccine will legally be allowed on the mandatory vaccine lists for school, travel, military, jobs, and wherever else it is decided that vaccines need enforced. States that do not have religious or personal exemptions available can easily (and legally) require vaccine passports (and not just for covid).

This is just the beginning of this type of vaccine... the FDA has put a RSV vaccine on the fast track that uses the same type of technology. We have surely moved into a new era. Next up: custom children! (yes, it's a real thing being worked on)

It can be rough, but there is meaning in the struggles we must pass through positive

The purple in my hair was fading and I wanted to touch it up a bit. I couldn't decide between redoing the purple or going green, so I went with blue! wide eyed I love how the old purple shines through! positive I thought I'd be able to get a shot of all of my hair by laying down, but it's gotten too long to do that now smile

I need to vent a bit about a shared conversation...

“Your fear to talk to so-and-so is unwarranted. There is no such thing as emotional abuse. You don’t feel safe?! Ridiculous! YOU have to get over yourself and talk to so-and-so to resolve the problem.” [paraphrased]

So-and-so was given the option to use texting or messenger for communication but “adults talk face to face” and that idea was immediately rejected. For so-and-so, it is far better to use the silent treatment and patiently wait for family members to crawl back asking for forgiveness in order to get back into their good graces (using well meaning friends and family to manipulate the situation, if possible).

ugh! I know this cycle all too well. However, there are still a lot of people who truly believe that emotional abuse does NOT exist.

I’m not terribly surprised… really, it wasn’t until the 90s when this type of abuse was acknowledged as part of studies into why people get caught up and stay in cults. Now, the majority will agree that cults are bad, but reject the idea that the same type of subtle manipulation can happen at home with the same devastating results.

Still, to me, a new concept or deeper understanding of an issue does not mean we should reject it because that is not what we grew up with. Such rejection leads to a stagnant life with no personal or spiritual growth.

At that point, why bother sharing experiences or trying to resolve problems with such people? After all, their opinion of your emotional trauma either doesn’t really exist or “it’s not that bad” – even though it feels like running into a brick wall over and over again, hoping that, at some point, something said will get through.

On one hand, if the wall doesn't come down, you are left discouraged, battered and bruised.

Then again, if you don’t at least try, then you never know if that wall is ready to crumble to allow the light of understanding to shine through.

How do you know when to call it quits and walk away? I don't know. It can be a very difficult decision to make. It took me over 20 years.

While I do my best to encourage others to share their personal experiences, I still don’t share much of what happened during my first marriage because “it wasn’t that bad” (unless, of course, something triggers me and I feel the need to vent).

Compared to the stories that other people on my friends list have lived through, it really wasn’t. I have friends that struggle from the aftermath of physical and sexual abuse. There are those who have, and those who are, currently recovering from alcohol and/or drug addictions. There are those who suffer from PTSD and vivid, recurring nightmares from violent actions in the past.

Then, there are those around the world literally starving to death. Or being hunted for their beliefs. Or bound in slavery.

My struggle (and those MANY who suffer in silence) is not nearly as obvious as these, but just as real.

In fact, according to some experts, emotional trauma may be worse than physical traumas because there isn’t a single, tangible moment that one can say: this is the moment of injury, this is what happened. Instead, the trauma is compounded little by little over periods of time until the person breaks (mentally and/or physically). Very real.

At this point, for me, to say "it isn't real" is nothing short of saying any evil that was done is ok because it didn't happen to them.

These chains can be represented of anything holding one in place (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually).

One choice is to be still and stay where you are so the chains don't bother you (sometimes needed in order to heal). Another is to expand yourself as far as the chains will allow. Then, there is the option to do what you can to be released from the chains.

The final option is the hardest. It can be painful. You may never be completely free from the chains; but, I, whose complete freedom was nurtured in childhood (and, therefore, has known freedom) yet now bound by mental and emotional chains, find that freedom is well worth fighting for! energy

I know there are still hard times ahead, but I certainly hope I've been through the lowest season in my life... much lower and I don't think I'd make it back up! crying

I have such loving friends and family! Thank you all for your words of encouragement and checking up on me! smile

Yesterday, I shared a post that had reminded me of the lowest point in my life and some were concerned that I was becoming depressed. I assure all that I am really doing well. smile I really should have given more of an explanation with my post. So, here we go...

The lowest point that I was reminded of was a time when I was severely depressed and often in a catatonic state. I was constantly trembling to the point that it was difficult to walk without falling and the trembling caused quite a bit of pain. I couldn't even bring myself to go out to see my horses unless they needed special care. I missed a lot that was going on with my kids. crying

At one point, my ex woke me up at 3am to yell at me. He had had a nightmare about my game playing (there was a lottery on the game and he imagined I was spending real money on this lottery and now had a gambling addiction). A few hours later, I was in a semi-paralyzed state and was taken to the ER. He told them I had gaming and gambling addictions and had him sign a form that he would keep medication and such away from me before they would give me any thing. They gave me some "magic pills" (a barbiturate) that seemed to reset my system - the trembling was gone. That was a wonderful relief! smile

But, as I was waking up, the doctor (who only had one side of the story) said something about how I had a wonderful husband and should feel guilty about my actions. shock I just said "no" and started crying. Although the trembling was gone for the time being, I still couldn't speak much. The doctor did look rather confused, but I couldn't go on.

That was the lowest point. Counseling was suggested but I was only taken once. The family really didn't approve of counseling. However, I was taken to a doctor and it was found that I had developed allergy and stress induced asthma. Once I could breathe again, I was able to do a lot more and my ex even started encouraging me to go out to my horse (he said it always put me in a better mood smile ). It was a turning point in my life. I thought it could be a turning point in my marriage, but the story wasn't over...

I still trembled most of the time, but I became strong enough to cope with the next battle... my oldest started having trouble and was eventually diagnosed with schizophrenia. But, that is another story...

The Lord surely works in mysterious ways and I felt He was by my side through even the darkest days. love

Right now life is wonderful. love Even my bad days are wonderful! wink

I could scream. Maybe cry. Very much would like to smash something to bits right now...

Putting on some essential oils and going to vent a little here. wink

I needed to do some research and personal reflection to determine if I wanted to keep my business dreams alive, so I have done nothing (business wise) for six months.

Last week, I decided that I truly felt that I am not done with my business dreams and created a list of goals to get started again.

Then, I updated the software that runs the site and helps me schedule posts... and now the site is broken. Really broken. The backups are even gone. crying

If I didn't feel so "unfinished" I'd just let it all go. What do I mean by feeling "unfinished"? I was watching a TV show and something that was said explains it so well:

"Unfinished. Gaudí, to his credit, never gave up on his dream. But that's not usually how it goes. Usually it isn't a speeding bus that keeps the brown, pointy, weird church from getting built. Most of the time it's just too difficult, too expensive, too scary. It's only once you've stopped that you realize how hard it is to start again, so you force yourself not to want it. But it's always there. And until you finish it, it will always be... "

I knew a couple of years ago that I needed to move away from that software, but it made creating pages so easy... this... this is NOT easy tongue out

The content (text) is still there and I had started editing pages so I wouldn't have to rely on the software a long time ago. So, it's not all bad. And, there really aren't that many more to do, but I am still so VERY frustrated!

Deep breath. ok. I think I am feeling better now (without demolishing any thing wink ) and ready to contemplate about what to do next. smile

Two hours and three support people later... my website problem has been resolved! celebration

Today is one of those days where everything on the to-do list looks too hard. tongue out